If you have sought professional mental health care, you are not alone.
Over 40 million people visited a therapist in 2021. You or someone you know may have noticed something was not quite right, become depressed, realized you were sleeping too much or too little, or simply felt blah and decided that seeing a therapist could help. Recognizing your need for help and deciding to act are essential steps you can take for yourself. However, if you notice someone close to you who requires therapy, such as your partner, it may appear more difficult to suggest it to them. When you notice signs that your partner could benefit from therapy, what you say and how you say it can make or break the situation.
Can Therapy Help Your Partner?
Everyone has ups and downs, so distinguishing between everyday challenges and the need for therapy is critical. “Signs that your partner may benefit from seeing a professional therapist include sleep problems, feeling increasingly overwhelmed, and being unable to contribute to the relationship, i.e., meet their financial responsibilities with children… if their mood changes are frequent and noticeable, [or] if their ability to manage stress has improved,” Thriveworks’ Xiomara Arrieta, LCSW-C explains.
Other indicators include:
- Suffers from long-term depression or expresses feelings of hopelessness.
- Ongoing anxiety is a constant companion.
- Discussing suicide or other means of death.
- Excessive or frequent mood swings.
- Reliving a traumatic experience from the past.
- Relationships suffer as a result of social isolation or avoidance.
- Consuming significantly more or fewer calories than usual.
- Feeling numb and uninterested in everything.
- The use of substances to cope with, avoid, distract from, or numb difficult feelings has increased.
- Having difficulty functioning at work, home, or school.
Therapy can also be beneficial if your partner is dealing with specific work or family issues that require the input and feedback of a neutral third party. It is normal for couples to disagree, so simply disagreeing with your partner does not necessitate therapy. However, couples therapy may be beneficial if you notice your arguments turning into fights or becoming more frequent. “Couples therapy emphasizes the idea that maintaining the health of a relationship is a shared responsibility, rather than one person’s ‘fault’ or problem to solve.” “Suggesting couples therapy can also help reduce feelings of blame or shame that your partner may experience if they are the only one expected to attend therapy,” says Morgan Pommells, MSW, Trauma Therapist.
How to Approach Your Partner About Therapy
Recognizing that your partner needs help is one thing; knowing how to tell them they need help is quite another. It is not only what you say but also how you say it when approaching your partner to discuss a sensitive topic like this one.
Consider the following factors:
- Why you have decided to discuss going to therapy: Is it fear? Do you want them to get the help they need? Is your motivation selfish, such as wishing for them to stop doing something that irritates you? How you communicate with your partner will be influenced by your motivation.
- Approach with love and care: “The best way to tell your partner you want them to go to therapy is to do so with love and care, rather than judgment or shame,” Pommells says.
Additional considerations include:
- Timing: Talk to your partner when both of you are calm. Trying to talk to your partner while they are agitated or stressed or blurting out your words in the middle of a fight is unlikely to produce positive results.
- Privacy: Bringing up the need for therapy in public may embarrass or irritate your partner. Discuss in a private space where you can clearly express your concerns, validate your partner’s feelings, and focus on the topic of therapy at hand without interruption.
- Choosing your words carefully: Share your observations and feelings, and give specific reasons why you believe your partner would benefit from therapy. Explain that you care about your partner’s mental health and overall well-being and that therapy can be a helpful way to do so. Use empathetic “I” statements to frame your language, with sentences that start with “I am concerned” or “I have noticed.”
- Avoid control: Make sure your recommendation for therapy doesn’t come from a place of control or sound like an ultimatum. Pommels suggests using loving and empathetic language, such as “I love you, and I really want to make our relationship work. I believe that talking to someone about your ongoing anxiety can benefit not only your personal struggles but also your relationship as a whole. ‘How do you feel about that?’”
- Inquiring about therapy: Another way to begin the conversation is to inquire whether or not your partner has considered using therapy as an effective tool. Pommels suggests probing your partner’s feelings about therapy by asking, “‘Have you ever considered talking to a professional such as a therapist?” They have stress-reduction tools and techniques.”
These statements can assist you in creating an environment of understanding and concern, making your partner feel cared for rather than accused. With the right language, going to therapy can also be de-stigmatized.
What If They Refuse to Go to Therapy?
Even if you tried everything to persuade your partner to go to therapy, it may not work. This can happen for a number of reasons, including internalized stigma around mental health, the belief that talking to you or another loved one is sufficient, or simply not wanting or being ready to.
Being unfairly placed in the position of providing your partner’s sole mental and emotional support, on the other hand, can be exhausting. If your partner refuses to go to therapy, seek additional support, or do any sort of self-work after multiple conversations, you must consider what is best for you.
“If your partner refuses to seek services despite your best efforts, remember that you cannot control the actions of others.” Consider how their mental health issues are affecting you,” suggests Arrieta. “Consider setting boundaries with your partner and practicing self-care.”
Be truthful with your partner. Make it clear to them what is and is not acceptable in your relationship. Although they may choose not to seek help, this does not imply that you must tolerate problematic behavior. Though you want to show your partner grace and patience, evaluating the relationship may be the next step.
The Benefits of Therapy for Couples
Engaging in therapy can help couples improve communication and resolve conflicts, leading to a healthier partnership. Couples counseling offers a private setting where both partners can openly discuss their feelings, worries, and unresolved issues with the guidance of a suitable therapist.
Many people mistakenly believe that seeking therapy is a sign of weakness. However, recognizing the potential benefits of therapy can shift that perspective. “The concept of therapy” is often surrounded by misconceptions, and it’s essential to address these to facilitate a more informed conversation about couples therapy.
Therapy can serve as a valuable tool for couples to navigate difficult situations. It creates a safe space for partners to share stories and experiences and engage in real conversations about their relationship. This process can help break the cycle of constant conflict and barriers to communication.
Many couples find that having a professional therapist mediate their discussions helps them articulate their feelings and avoid the blame game. This therapeutic process encourages the use of open-ended questions to foster deeper understanding and support.
Conclusion
Engaging with a licensed therapist or professional therapist can empower couples to address their personal issues and strengthen their relationship. Whether through individual therapy or couples therapy, seeking help during challenging times demonstrates a commitment to personal growth and the health of the relationship.
Therapy is not a magic solution; rather, it requires commitment and effort from both partners. The success of therapy often relies on the willingness to explore difficult emotions, confront beliefs about therapy, and actively engage in the therapy process.
If you and your partner are facing family issues or social isolation, consider discussing the possibility of therapy together. Therapy can provide the tools needed to foster a more connected and fulfilling partnership. Accessing therapy today could set the foundation for a brighter tomorrow.
