If you have ever dealt with a borderline personality disorder patient, you might have detected something peculiar in his or her look. There are those who consider it piercing and intense, and others find it empty or distant. This is commonly known as the BPD stare and is an indication of the complicated emotional and mental feelings that define the disorder.
The BPD look is not conscious or an act of manipulation. It is a conspicuous expression of the internal processes such as emotional dysregulation, dissociation, fear of abandonment, and identity disturbance. Knowing what influences the development of this gaze and thus minimizing the stigma and enhancing interpersonal relationships among all participants can make life better.
What Is the BPD Stare and Why Does It Happen
BPD stare is a peculiar eye contact among certain people suffering from borderline personality disorder. It manifests in two main forms, which are an extremely focused, unblinking gaze that can be a source of discomfort to other people and the blank stare that indicates that one has mentally checked out. The two terms are based on the neurobiological and emotional aspects of BPD.
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How Emotional Intensity Fuels This Distinctive Gaze
People with BPD tend to experience emotions more intensely as opposed to the general population. This emotional intensity may be physical and may even be in the form of eye contact. The gaze of a person with BPD may be fixed and piercing when he or she feels strongly attached to, threatened, or emotionally stimulated, since their whole being is centered on the moment.
The Role of Identity Disturbance in Intense Eye Contact
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by identity disturbance. People might experience difficulties in having a balanced feeling of identity and focus themselves to an extreme attention on others to anchor themselves. This attention to the outside world may create a searching and lengthy eye contact as the individual tries to know how they should feel or act depending on the responses of people in this world.
The Empty Stare: A Window Into Dissociation
A stare of BPD is not always intense. For others, it manifests as an empty gaze, indicating dissociation, a defense mechanism, as the mind is temporarily not emotionally associated with overwhelming emotional experiences.
When the Mind Disconnects From Reality
Dissociation is a defense mechanism against the overabundance of emotions. In the case of a dissociative episode, the individual might seem to be looking through you, as opposed to looking at you. Symptoms of possible dissociation in a person are:
- Untracked, glazed, unfocused eyes.
- Slow or no responsive actions to questions or stimuli.
- Complaints of losing touch with their body or the environment.
The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) notes that dissociative symptoms are typical of BPD and especially when there is a lot of stress or abandonment.
Emotional Dysregulation and the Intensity Behind the Eyes
At the core of the borderline personality disorder is emotional dysregulation. The emotional processing systems of the brain are quicker and intense in responding to the stimuli, and the regulatory systems, which would have usually soothed the responses, are weak. Such an imbalance provides the unstable emotional environment typical of BPD.
The body reacts when emotions intensify. The pupils can also dilate, the facial muscles can tighten, and eye contact can be enlivened as the individual becomes hyper-aware of his or her surroundings. This elevated condition cannot be chosen, but it is a neurobiological truth about having BPD.
How Fear of Abandonment Triggers Hypervigilance in Relationships
One of the most agonizing yet common ones amongst BPD people is the fear of abandonment. This is the fear that prompts most of the interpersonal behaviors related to the disorder, such as excessive watching of others, which can result in the BPD stare.
Reading Others’ Faces as a Survival Mechanism
As research indicates, people with BPD tend to be sensitive to the facial expressions and microexpressions of other people. This increased sensitivity evolved as a survival process, especially for those whose formative experiences were relational trauma. This unremitting searching for indications of rejection or abandonment can be manifested in the intensity of the gaze. The behavioral patterns related to this hypervigilance are:
- Examining the face of the partner in case of dissatisfaction or lack of interest.
- Being aware of the slight variations in tone, posture, or expression that others would not have noticed.
- Defining neutral expressions as negative because of increased threat sensitivity.
- Problem maintaining eye contact in emotionally-heated discussions.
The Interpersonal Cost of Constant Monitoring
Although such vigilance might have played a protective role in the earlier days, it tends to cause issues in interpersonal relationships between adults. Friends and partners might experience pressure, uneasiness, or even be crushed by its intensity. The individual with BPD can overwork himself by observing everything, and this results in emotional exhaustion and strain in the relationship.
Splitting and Perception: Why People With BPD See Others Differently
The table below demonstrates the effect of splitting on perception and patterns of eye contact:
| Idealization Phase | Devaluation Phase |
| Intense, adoring gaze focused on the idealized person | Cold, detached, or hostile eye contact |
| Prolonged eye contact, seeking connection and closeness | Avoidant gaze or refusal to make eye contact |
| Eyes convey warmth, attachment, and emotional investment | Eyes may appear flat, angry, or dismissive |
| Hyperattention to positive qualities and expressions | Hyperattention to perceived flaws or threats |
| Desire to merge with the other person emotionally | Desire to create distance or protect from perceived harm |
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The Connection Between Identity Disturbance and Self-Perception
Uncertainty over values and goals is not the only aspect of identity disturbance in BPD. It comprises a fluctuating self-image that changes according to the outside conditions and relations. This instability influences the manner in which the individual projects himself to the world, even in nonverbal communication.
How Unstable Self-Image Affects Outward Expressions
Lacking a stable internal sense of self, one may, subconsciously, reflect the people around them or even exhibit disconnected expressions. This confusion of the inner world can be manifested in the BPD stare, which looks like it is too intense when the individual is trying to find his or her identity and empty when the individual is unable to touch his or her emotional life.
According to the National Library of Medicine (NLM), one of the diagnostic criteria of BPD is identity disturbance, which has a serious impact on interpersonal functioning and self-expression.
Managing the BPD Stare: Practical Strategies for Emotional Regulation
Although the BPD stare cannot be easily turned off, the ability to regulate emotions will help to diminish the intensity and frequency of these stares. The support strategies towards this process include:
- Grounding techniques
- Mindfulness practice
- Distress tolerance skills
- Interpersonal effectiveness training
Professional Support and Treatment Options at Shine Mental Health
Borderline personality disorder can be successfully treated using the appropriate treatment method. The best-supported therapy that is applied in treating BPD is dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), which directly focuses on emotional dysregulation, interpersonal dysfunction, and identity disturbance. Mentalization-based and transference-focused psychotherapy are other evidence-based therapies.
Are you now ready to start the process of healing? Contact Shine Mental Health now and make an appointment, and find out how specially designed treatment can help you feel emotionally stable and build better relationships.
FAQs
Can the BPD stare indicate dissociation or emotional shutdown in relationships?
Yes, vacant or empty BPD stare is, in most cases, a sign of dissociation as the mind is temporarily out of touch with the overwhelming emotions. This is possible during times of conflict or when there is fear of abandonment, which can trigger a protective shutdown reaction.
How does fear of abandonment intensify hypervigilance and the intensity of eye contact?
The fear of abandonment makes him always watch people in order to tell whether they dislike him, and this comes in the form of searching and intense eye contact. This hypervigilance was a survival strategy and may be experienced as the gaze that is too focused by others.
Why does emotional dysregulation cause sudden shifts in how someone perceives others?
The emotional dysregulation intensifies the responses towards the perceived threat or reward, and having a balanced perception is difficult. This helps in the division of people where others are perceived to be either good or bad altogether, based on the state of mind.
Does splitting affect whether someone maintains or avoids intense eye contact patterns?
Yes, a warm and strongly concentrated look can be observed during idealization stages, whereas cold, avoidant, or hostile eye contact can be observed during devaluation stages. These trends alter when the perception of the other person is altered.
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How can identity disturbance influence whether the stare appears empty or emotionally charged?
When a person experiences issues with a stable self, their external behavior can be an indicator of internal disorientation or disjuncture. The stare might not be there when there is confusion over identity, but it may be highly intense when they need external validation to anchor their perception of themselves.
